Why we have a swimming pool but not a car

Sometimes, I feel a disconnect because I am from around here and yet the choices we make are so different from the ones our friends make. The top three things that most people who’re in our station of life consider normal are: a live-in helper, a car, and a second income (or a very large single income). On the surface, it may seem like our choices are based on how to be thrifty, when it goes much deeper than that.

We often don’t take taxis, preferring to use the outstanding public transport system here (which could be more stroller/wheelchair-friendly, I might add). For one thing, the cost of buying and maintaining a car here is astronomical (a small car is about S$20,000). For another, it’s just a way of life for us–we used to take the bus and bike when we were in Iowa City. When we tell people about this, we are often met with incredulous looks, especially since we have a baby and the multitude of things that babies need. I mentioned this once in friendly conversation with a taxi driver and he was chagrined. He said, “Why not, with a baby and everything? They’re not that expensive?” What he said is true, but it’s just not how we choose to spend our dollars. Instead, about 50 percent of our dollars go towards paying our rent. Now, who wouldn’t find that a tad bit confusing? You’re too cheap to pay for taxis but you stay in a private condo with swimming pools, gym, tennis courts etc? Well, let’s just say the property market in Singapore is somewhat of an anomaly.

When we moved back to Singapore about two years ago, we were looking for a three-bedroom apartment because that’s what we thought we needed. We tried looking at public housing first, but there weren’t many near SK’s work place and the places that were available didn’t justify the asking price. We decided to pay a bit more for a place that we’d feel comfortable in and that was near SK’s workplace, so he didn’t have to commute (most people commute at least an hour one-way). And you know what? Our decision has paid off, although not in dollars and cents. Because SK only has a 10-minute walk to work, he can:
1) take the morning shift with Jadyn most mornings of the week,
2) come back for lunch and see his daughter,
3) swim or take a nap during lunch, and
4) run back with keys when Po Li locks herself out.

The boon for me is:
1) I’m within walking distance of two city parks (one of which is the largest one this side of the island), which has been essential in entertaining a roaming toddler who goes for walks three times a day,
2) we have two supermarkets, a shopping mall and a wet market–try lugging groceries and a baby on a bus, and
3) we can take one of three buses to church, which is a 15-minute bus ride away

Most of the other moms I know have husbands who’re here on expatriate contracts, which means they have large stipends that make taking taxis a no-brainer. It sometimes makes it awkward in arranging playdates with them. Not only is there the unpredictability of nap times that makes me feel like I’m Command Central pulling off a tricky war zone maneuver: “Baby just went to sleep and I don’t know when he’ll wake up,” I say, wearing make up and nice clothes in anticipation of having adult conversation for the first time this week (not counting time with the hubby). Anyone else know what I’m talking about?
But then, when baby does wake up and is able to play, I have to tell them, “OK, I’ll see you there in an hour’s time,” because it’ll probably take me that long via public transport to get to wherever we have to meet. And as anybody with babies know, an hour could mean a really grumpy baby who’s on the way to another nap! My friends are probably thinking I’m too cheap to take a taxi and in some ways that’s true. But, as I mentioned at the start of this post, what looks like it’s black and white may actually be gray…

Moving into a new era…and into the topic of free/affordable play opportunities for babies

I think it’s time for a paradigm shift. This blog has been dormant because 1) life has been busy with you-know-who, and 2) I’ve not been inspired to write here for some time. Recently, however, I have re-envisioned this space and hope it’s one that’ll make me excited to add new posts more regularly. I’m using this space to let you know how I’m choosing to live life according to my values, as a Christian, somewhat feminist, libertarian, tree-hugging, reformed materialist kind of mommy. (SK will have to figure out his niche).

Here’s the first new post of this era. I’m also opening up this blog to search engines, as I think it’ll create more opportunities for discussion. Let’s hope it’s not a can of worms I’m opening up.

As a one-income family (I don’t consider my freelance writing/editing business even close to being half an income), we have to find creative ways of entertaining our ever-inquisitive, explorer baby who’s always on her feet. Here’s our list thus far (many of them are in the West, as that’s where we live):

Thus begins my personal list of free/affordable play areas in Singapore.

Free water play areas

Vivo City, IMM Building, City Square (in Little India), Jacob Ballas Kid’s Park (part of the Singapore Botanical Gardens, at the Bukit Timah end).

NB: City Square also lends you strollers for free! That’s something a lot of malls in Kuala Lumpur do too, in case you’re ever headed that way.

Also, if you’re like me and live near the National University of Singapore (NUS), you could take the free internal shuttle bus (BTC1) that’ll take you to NUS’ Bukit Timah campus and it will drop you off within walking distance of the Jacob Ballas Park entrance (as far as I know, anyone can get on).

Free indoor play structures

Marina Square (can’t remember the floor but it’s either the 4th or 5th, same floor as Mothercare).

Paragon (also on the 5th level, near the Mothercare!)

West Coast Park: a perennial favorite of ours cos we live within walking distance. Lots of different play structures–our favorite is the ship one which is in a large sand pit. However, I used to take many walks to the far end (on the far side away from the Mickey D’s) and the paths there are shaded by many large trees and there’s also a pond and a dog run at the end. Btw, don’t forget to check out the mangrove park which is at the north end of the park.

HDB playground just around the corner from the Sheng Siong Supermarket at West Coast (I’ll have to look up the block number). It’s a Little Tikes play structure that has a little musical toy that creates a note when you hit a key. Jadyn loves banging on it. It’s also got a periscope of sorts and funky stairs that look like they came off of the set of the Flintstones.

Affordably-priced play areas

SAFRA Jurong has a three-storey play structure that’s S$2.15 per accompanying adult and free for kids under 18 months (it’s $11.20 for kids 18 mos to 18 years). They also have a big pool with kids’ play area (big bucket that fills up and pours out on people) that’s open to the public during the week. It costs less than S$2 for per person and less for kids (sorry, visited this place more than a month ago).

NB: Only Singaporeans can become SAFRA members, but you don’t have to be a member to use the facilities, subject to their conditions, of course. Prices quoted are for non-members who’re allowed to use the facilities Monday through Fridays.

Fidgets at Turf City costs $8 for unlimited play. It’s nice because there are segregated areas for the younger kids so they don’t get trampled on by the older kids. Free for kids under 11 mos and $8 for unlimited play for between 12 and 23 months of age. There’s a small area with a ball pit for younger babies, but older babies who’re not satisfied by it will have to contend with three-storeys full of kids clambering through this massive structure.

Rochester House costs $6 for the first hour and S$6 for every subsequent half hour. Unlike the other places I’ve mentioned, this place doesn’t have a play structure but provides a large variety of toys in a place that’s cosy, like a home. However, I find that charging $6 every subsequent half hour a stretch for what they have to offer. They have a covered sand pit too, but it was cordoned off when I was there and my friend says it looked a bit dirty (I can’t tell).

Please feel free to add to this list!

Eventful May

I celebrated my first mother’s day and 35th birthday since my last post. It has been an eventful year. Baby Jadyn has made me grow up in many ways–I’ve been stretched to my limits. In spite of this, I think she has a sweet disposition, but I can’t be sure (you’re probably thinking, yeah, right, don’t all mothers say that. Read on). She was colicky, but we think it could be due to gastric reflux. We’ve started medicating her for that, and applying a topical steroid cream for her eczema, which has spread throughout her body.

For someone who endured 56 hours of labor just so Jadyn wouldn’t be drugged, this is very frustrating! But, she’s doing a lot better with treatment. Before this, she used to cry inconsolably for hours sometimes. We think it could be because she was suffering from discomfort both on the inside and outside. Now, she gets a bit cranky, but we somehow manage to find a way to comfort her. Besides the *aherm* udder method, we have found that a walk in the stroller tends to send her off to lala land (most times).

We’ve put Jadyn on a schedule that we flex here and there. She seems to conform to the schedule pretty easily (which is why I think she actually has an easy temperament), and seems to do pretty much what this book’s schedule–that I’m following–says babies should. Life has felt much more manageable . Jadyn goes down for the night between 6 and 7 pm, and SK and I get the whole night to ourselves! That is, if she doesn’t get up at her bewitching hours of between 7-10 pm. There were a couple of nights she woke up during that time and wouldn’t stop crying (which made me cry too out of frustration). She hasn’t done that much except for one night last week. I’m hoping things are settling down.

On May 2, we did a coming out party (called a full moon party) for Jadyn and me. Chinese tradition calls for a celebration 30 days after a baby’s birth, where the mother is no longer under “confinement.” The baby is announced to friends and family with the gift of different foods, including red eggs.

Red eggs for Jadyn's full moon celebration

We held a post-full-moon-party (it was slightly more than 30 days). More than 50 people turned up at our party. We had to stagger the guests so we didn’t exceed our condo’s limit of 30 people at the poolside BBQ pit! Jadyn was feeding almost every 30 minutes that day and was crying most of the time, so she and I spent most of the time in our apartment, while the guests kept asking where the guests of honor were!

 

The only part of Jadyn that didn't have eczema at her full moon party

 

 

It felt like a true blessing to be able to share Jadyn with our friends and family. Even my 80+ year old grandma, who’s in a wheelchair, made the journey from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. She traveled on a budget airline, and lost her luggage on the 45-minute flight! I also saw family whom I hadn’t seen for more than 10 years (thanks to my mom). 

If anyone’s interested to hear more about my mommy escapades, such as the weekly visits to the pediatrician, feel free to drop me an email. I don’t want to bore everyone here. Thanks for reading.

Life with two-week-old Jadyn

Thought I’d drop a short note here for all my faithful friends who check this blog. It’s week two now and Jadyn (jay-DEAN) has had several bouts of colic. We’ve seen the pediatrician who gave us some things to try. Some work, some don’t. Burping helps a lot, though! We’re learning how to console her, as there’s not much else we can do for her, besides burping her and trying some different postures in feeding.

She’s gained some weight. She was born at 2.89 kg, lost some weight when we checked out of the hospital (weighed in at 2.79 kg), and a week later weighed in at 3.11 kg! The doctor said she gained 10 days worth of weight in seven. Yay! At least we’re doing something right.

Jadyn’s sleeping longer through the nights now–3 to 4 hours at a stretch, which is more than we can ask of her at 2 weeks! She also loves bath time with her daddy, who sings and talks to her in his falsetto voice. She seems to like poo-ing and pee-ing on him when she’s diaper-less. She also like staring at her red-white-and-black ladybug blanket. 

My mom has gone back to Kuala Lumpur for several days to tend to some business. She’s left a fridge full of food so that’s one less thing to think about. I think I can do the mothering thing now, but to cook and clean at the same time…I’m not sure! My brother has generously sent his helper over to help with the cleaning once a week, and that’s been a great help.

I’m operating on minimal brain capacity right now–due to sleep deprivation–and am glad that I don’t have a job waiting for me, so I can take my time to get back to normal. 

I did suffer from the baby blues when I first got home from the hospital, though. Breastfeeding was painful, I had to wake up every two hours to feed, and SK and I often didn’t see eye to eye about what Jadyn needed when she was crying inconsolably due to colic (we only realized she had colic after several stressful days). I  felt inadequate to do the job of being a mother. One thing I feel really bad about is making her sunburnt her first week at home. I was sunning Jadyn the whole day (albeit in indirect sunlight) for at least three days after we sent back the rented photo therapy light, because I thought that’s what the pediatrician recommended. She wound up sunburnt and her skin was peeling off, but I couldn’t differentiate between that and the skin she was shedding when she left the womb.

Things are better now. I’ve called up friends to talk about things and gotten help from a breastfeeding expert in my church. I’m learning more about how to do this thing called mothering and am glad babies’ memories don’t kick in until much later.

Sleep oh sleep where have you gone

Sleep disappeared for us during the early part of this week due to the long labor and Jadyn’s knack at sleeping during the day and wanting cluster feeds only in wee hours of the morning. For now we sleep as she sleeps and wake when she wakes while trying to recalibrate her schedule as SK has to soon drop off this timetable.

Jadyn has jaundice and we have a phototherapy machine rented from the hospital which we are using to give the blue-white light that our daughter needs to beat off jaundice. Jaundice is apparently very common among East Asians. Some of you may ask why we decided to bring home a machine instead of staying on in the hospital, I will refer you back to Paragraph 1. At home we get to sleep when she sleeps and wake when she wakes. At the hospital this wasn’t possible. All of us are getting some rest now. Actually Jadyn was getting lots of rest before this. 🙂

Thankfully for us too Po Li’s mom is here and she has family in Singapore. We had a home cooked dinner today from Angela, Ray Sun (Po Li’s sis-in-law and brother) and Po Li’s mom. Yummie!!

Just as important with Po Li’s mom staying with us we get another pair of eyes and hands, experienced ones at that, to help watch over Jadyn and Po Li. SK and Po Li’s mom are now exchanging cooking ideas so that they can cook real cool dishes (Pig’s trotters in vinegar, Sesame Ginger Chicken, Pork and Spinach with Ginseng and Red Date Tea among others).

Red Date Tea is not actually a tea but a hot drink substitute that the Chinese people invented to prevent mothers from drinking actual tea which they consider to be too cooling or in Po Li’s words which are more scientific, “I don’t want any more tea, it’s a diuretic and I have to go pee so often”.  On that note I shall leave you with a glimpse into a rather tired household trying to meld Asian and Western thoughts into the first month of the baby’s life.

She’s here!

Dear all,

Jadyn arrived 31/03/2009 ; 4:56am Singapore time, thus foiling her father’s good intentions of having an April baby. She came in at 2.89kg and a length of 49 cm.  Po Li labored for 56 hours without meds  (scary!) and had an unplanned waterbirth.

Here is the first lo-res cellphone pic of her,

 

She loves flailing her arms.

More to come

Still Waiting

Just a quick post from the temporary communication officer. We are still in early labor and have been doing this in the home for the last 14 hours (50-60 contractions at 5 – 8 min. intervals). Toot is still enjoying the comfort of the womb, which Po Li just acknowledged after spending half an hour in a bath kept at body temperature that it is very nice, peaceful and comfy. Will update again once anything changes.

Baby’s coming!

Just a quick update for my loyal supporters out there. I started getting contractions last night and they’ve been getting more regular. I’ve had some bloody show this morning and my doula says I probably passed out the mucus plug (part of the labor process). Contractions are between 2 and 8 minutes apart and I’m still able to converse, so it hasn’t escalated to active labor yet.

We’re going out for a nice dim sum meal and to use up some shopping vouchers we have before things get too exciting.

We’ll keep you posted!

Bhutan

It’s week 39 or 40 (depending on which due date you use), and my obstetrician is trekking in Bhutan! I found out at my last appointment from another woman in the waiting room. I didn’t even find out from him! I know that the OB is only there for the last half hour, if the birth is uneventful, but I’d like someone I’m familiar with to be around in case there are complications.

Lauren, my doula says that the stand-in doctors would have access to my doctor’s notes in case medical intervention is required, so they would know about all the discussions I’ve had with my OB about what I’d want for the birth. I know the OB has a life, but I still wish he could’ve chosen another time to go on vacation. My OB says the two doctors who’re standing in for him also share his pro-natural philosophy. Lauren says the two stand-in doctors are very good–she’s worked with one of them, and has heard good things about the other. If baby comes before my OB gets back on March 29, I’m glad we hired Lauren. It feels better having someone familiar there with me.

Meanwhile, baby’s weighing heavily on my nether regions. Lauren says it’s because the hormones preparing my body for birth are a muscle relaxant and so that’s why I’m feeling the weight of the baby more. She suggested tying a scarf round my body to hoist the baby up. I haven’t tried that yet, but might do so when I’m home (not sure I want to be seen in public like that!).  Everything’s good otherwise: there’s healthy movement. I feel baby pushing my stomach up and pushing my pelvic floor down (like its foot is going to penetrate through my pelvis).

Watch this space for the big announcement!

Preggie update

Firstly, thanks to all the moms who responded to my questions about breastfeeding/parenting. It was really helpful to hear from you ladies. 

I know I may be flattering myself to think that there are people who are following my pregnancy closely, but just in case there really are such people out there, here is the latest update! At the last ultrasound last Friday, baby came in at 2.8 kg (6.2 pds), which is average for week 38, I’ve been told. That’s a healthy weight for Toot to be, if he/she were to born right now, so I feel better about where it is now weight-wise.

The cord wasn’t wrapped around its neck (one less thing to worry about). The doctor also could see water in the amniotic sac, which he says is a sign of good blood flow. Toot’s kidneys are working and he/she has peed already! That’s great, but it also means he/she is drinking his own pee! Guess it’s still sterile pee, since it hasn’t eaten/drunk anything yet.

The day after the doctor’s visit, I took a nasty tumble and fell, almost flat on my face. I was walking on some uneven ground and stumbled, scraped up almost the length of my left arm, and some of my left cheek, but am otherwise fine. I wasn’t sure if baby was alright, so I called up my doctor. I thought I was leaking amniotic fluid, because I felt some wetness, but it turned out to be urine. Phew! (OK, this might be more information than some of you want to know!). So, baby is well-cushioned and my amniotic sac is still intact. All’s well. I’m quite a clumsy klutz and have been extra careful all these months and have avoided situations where I could have had accidents, so I’m telling myself that one tumble in 9 months isn’t too bad (considering my spotty record). I’m not telling my mother, though, as she was already quite paranoid for me before this.

I’ve only got two weeks to go now til my due date, and am hoping that I won’t have any more excitement.